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Nostalgia critic Birdemic
cut to the Nostalgia Critic who is walking to his room while loads of comments are flying around saying to review Birdemic NCVO:I have reviewed loads of movies from Bat Credit Cards to battlefield Earth.But now it is finally time to encounter one of the biggest flops ever since Zach Snyder and Michael Bay combined! The people have been asking for it the voice over is getting his coat hat and tie on too prepare for the reviewThis will be my biggest review ever!! Critic grabs his gun and stares menacingly at the DVD of birdemic we then cut to the intro of the nostalgia critic then cuts to the critic in his chair NC:Hello i'm the Nostalgia critic I remember it so you don't have to! This is it I have found it,I'm finally reviewing one of the biggest f bombs in all of Hollywood! The #1 Worst Movie of all time...Birdemic logo is shown and cuts to a picture of James Nguyen] NCvO:Director James Nguyen is like one of the worst director ever behind Shyamalan Bay and snyder. Nguyen has made some films that have nobody has even heard of until in 2008 he decided to work on birdemic to footage It's dumb stupid useless straight out of hell and incredibly awful! back to NC NC:And it's time to take a look at this shit (NC starts hearing noises and goes to the other room,Inside the room are Malcolm and Tamara in lab-coats. Tamara's typing on the computer in a rather weird way.) NC:All right guys give me the status. Malcolm:Well everyone has been requesting you to review this movie but Critic are you sure you want to review this? Tamara:You know there are other movies you can look at right? NC:No i can take it i survived Batman and Robin,Garbage pail kids,The Room and Battlefield Earth.i'm sure I can take this lousy cheap disaster. Tamara:well if your screaming in torture don't come begging for our help and Malcolm keep typing on the computer NC:This is Birdemic to footage of Sunday drive through the hillside NCVO:So the movie starts with just a normal drive on a hillside drive keeps going until it cuts back to the Nostalgia Critic NC:remote OK I'm bored next! scene is fast forward which cuts to the waitress Waitress:Hi NC:This is rod played by Alex Bagh. looks through his book of actors guide and dosen't see the name Alex Bagh NC:Nope haven't heard of him NC:VO: So Rod decides to talk to someone he thinks he met before Rod: I think I know you from somewhere. Natalie: Really? NC:Rod yeah we met during the beginning of filming, I was the guy who ripped the script and pleaded Spielberg to save me Natalie: Thanks. Well then... back to NC getting confused NC:um...Did part of her line get cut out? Natalie: Thanks. Well then... sound Recorder:whoops cut part of the audio i'm pretty sure the director won't notice! Reporter: In other news today, the population of polar bears is declining... NCVO:excuse me but you might want to move that camera down a bit cause it's too high just move it a little NCVO;So Rod decides to head back to the restaurant to try and meet that girl again keeps driving and driving cuts back to NC who is getting bummed out NC:Really is he still driving? i mean seriously you decide to film a guy just randomly driving yet not cut to transition or cut any of the footage? back to footage VO I mean seriously you just spend a few minutes just filming a guy getting to work? How would you like it if star wars V had a awkward conversation during the cloud city battle? to footage from episode V Luke:He told me enough! It was you who killed him. Vaderby Malcolm:No Luke I am your father! luke:Noooooo! goes quiet for 6 seconds Vader:so...your really my son. Luke:yeah not exactly what i had my mind considering the fact that you chopped my hand off and would probably be replaced with a robot hand and get zapped by the emperor so yeah pretty weird. Vader: Not my best idea to tell you I'm your father Luke:So I'm guessing that your going to force me to join you and I jump all the way down and hang from a wire Vader:Nah Lucas doesn't pay me shit. Luke:Can we just get back to the twist? Vader:Sure it's not like I'm auditioning for Lion King But what can I say i'm badass Vader! plays and Vader starts dancing NCVO:So after driving for like 11 minutes He...sits down and gets to work? back to NC I'm sorry I never thought I said this but...What does this have to do with birds?back to footageI mean by God are you seriously just showing a random guy's life on camera What is this a VH1 Reality Show it dosen't make sense NCVO:So rod decides to start flirting with Natalie Natalie: Thanks, that's sweet. Rod: I work at a start-up company called NCT Software. Got the stock option. Hopefully, if the company makes it big... to a clip from MST3K Crow:Well this is neat but what the heck does it have to do with the movie. to the romance scene of Rod and Natalie NCVO: so the two decide to...make love in the bedroom? back to NC NC; OK first off isn't that a little creepy to leave a camera? then how would kids know to not watch this movie? ]cuts to IMDb Birdemic saying Not Rated] NC:Not rated then how are kids supposed to know they're supposed to watch it unless you put this to footage then shows the word blocked on the front [cuts back to footage NC:VO:and Second are you seriously just going to film two people making love! what kind of movie has no plot at all, and only focuses on-to a movie poster of Fifty Shades of Grey You knew that was coming! NCVO:So after that non love scene Natalie gets greeted by her mother and believe me this mother is probably the only one who is trying Mom: What's that smile all about? Natalie:What are you talking about mom? Mom:Cmon you know i see it on your face back to NC NCVO: She's like the Bea Arthur to a picture of Bea Arthur in this movie you just want to see more of her. NCVO:So we get a boardroom meeting about the solar panels and Rod pitches his idea but first a shymalan transition to the slide whistle sound from signs review back to NC NC: chuckles that never gets old Rod: these solar panels are based on syliconic technology to guy whispering NC:guy whispering:Wanna sneak off set i could be watching paint dry right now Rod:it's simple it's low cost and it uses digital technology to a clip from Rick and Morty Boss: fingers Yes! Manager:So how much money were you requesting? Rod;$10.0000! NCVO:I think that was how much James Nyugen spent to make this movie at .Birdemic DVD cover saying how much this movie costedHey what do you know right on the cover. NCvO:Just then the boss comes in for some great news! Boss: Ladies and gentlemen, I have some great news. Our board of directors have agreed to the acquisition of NCT Software Bioracle Corporation for a billion dollars! NC:BossNot only that but the director is planning a sequel. Employees:sarcastic yay! continues to applaud BACK TO NC NCapplauding:Yay I'm just going to applaud for the next 2 minutes NCVO: So I know what your thinking What is taking those god dam birds so long? well finally the birds start attacking the people and I think it we'll have the best CGI effects in all- birds fly into the shot, and explosions occur BACK TO NC who's IMMEDIATELY shocked after the animation he's seen he takes off his glasses and starts to get FRUSTRATED NC:Is that what you think of when you hear CGI Mr.Nyugen? I mean CGI! THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL CGI? THIS DOESN"T LOOK LIKE CGI IT LOOKS MORE LIKE CLIPS YOU GATHERED FROM A GREEN SCENE EFFECT!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT ANIMATING IS? NO WONDER YOU MADE THIS MOVIE HORRIBLE YOU SIR HAVE NO TALENT IN MOVIES!!!then Malcolm and Tamara burst through the door Malcolm:Critic You have to see this Malcolm and tamara go to the computer and see the ratings of birDemic Tamara:Look at the views people are actually rising up to Mr.Nyugen to a picture of mobs with pitchforks and yelling NC:Wow people are understanding that how horrible this movie is to a no scope who is aiming for the nostalgia critic's head to a masked man covered in a spec ops suit like vulture from spiderman homecoming Masked Mana dark voice like Kylo Ren'sI been watching your reviews lately and I finally have you where I want you Mr Critic. no scope is still on the nostalgia critic's head NC: Hey do any of you feel like someone wants to snipe you? Malcolm:Nah must be the movie getting to you. NC: Oh! to commercial break then heads back to footage of Birds fly towards the characters as they wave wire hangers wildly at them NCvO:So the birds start attacking and the best weapon is...hangers? Cuts back to NC] nC:what was Dennis's slingshot taken? hey unless you make a bow and arrow out of those hangers like Maguyver then your pathetic. NCVO: So Rod and the team come across a bridge with a man on the other side footage is playing it cuts to a voice over from Monty python and the holy grail GALAHAD: There it is! ARTHUR: The Bridge of Death! ROBIN: Oh, great. ARTHUR: Look! There's the old man from scene twenty-four! Dr. Jones: Hey, stand back. These birds are contagious. Now, go away! NCVO: so Rod asks the doctor that they should just talk things over about whats going on and wonder what made these birds get crazy there could be few suggetions during voiceover NCCONT: so what is it doc/New species of birds? Nuclear Radiation? scientific test on a new study for birds? back to NC NC:Explain movie explain!!! Dr. Jones: No way. They're dead from the, uh, bird flu virus. But what I do know is global warming is causing viral diseases such as bird flu, West Nile Virus, and SARS. But there is scientific evidence to show that because of our burning of fossil fuels and creating greenhouse gasses, which is causing global warming, it's raising the temperature of the seas and, and species like the krill are dying. NC: drop and gets frustrated Wait that's how you will explain whats happening Global warming and a viral disease such as bird flu? VO when did I go from watching a VH1 reality show to watching the fucking Animal Planet? planet bumper is shown from 2008 It's just pointless Rod: Hi, the eagles killed our friends, uh, do you have a phone I could use to call the police? BACK TO NC NC:Ridiculous bullshit in 3 2 1! Clerk: No, I'm sorry. All phones, from the eagle attack, all phones are dead up here. back to NC NC:What a twist even it wasn't much of a twist but still what a twist!!! NCVO:So let me get something straight they have no phones and their FRIENDS are dead well they better have guns cause you can't stop a huge fake ass bird war without- Clerk: Well, you know, from the eagle attack, we are short on gas, but it's $100 a gallon if you want. CUTS BACK TO NC facepalming] NC:Geez they have no guns or nothing to defend themselves except gas? Geezus Fuck what kind of store is this? what commercial would they do if they wanted to promote this store? to a store commercial portrayed by Jimmy Salesman jimmy Salesman: hi folks jimmy salesman here at the not so great store logo Jimmy CONt:we hot not so much stuff we have to a hanger hangers for 50 cents to gaswe got a gallon of gas for $100 and don't forget if birds ever start attacking then we have no phones!!! to birds attacking and a phone with a empty prohibited sign on the phone Jimmy;[underneath the not so Great store logoThe not so great store:where we have nothing at all except gas commercial ends and Jimmy ges shot be a sniper from the masked man Masked man:meh he wasn't my target but he was annoying anyways NCVO:so Rod goes to find a gun when-- Cowboy: Howdy. Rod: Hi. NVO:a Tim Mcgraw impersonator Cowboy: pulls out a gun and points it at Rod. You're gonna sell me some gas now. to a clip from gremlins 2 Wil Andersen: Get the hell off my spread! NCVO:So the cowboy asks if he can have some gas for his truck Cowboy: Can you sell me some gas for my truck? Rod: Sorry, but we need it. NC[VO; yeah they need it for gas and if you think they would ever walks off with gas NC:facepalm OMG this movie is turning me into a idiot. I'm not sure how this movie could get any to a scene where the cowboy get his neck chopped off by a falcon NC immediatlly does anotherr face palm while grabs the word logic and breaks it in half NC:so much for logic and that character! back to footage VO Plus they don't grab the gas were they just like let's leave it has deadbody all over it What the Hell! NCVO:So the team gets on the road and They meet a friendly forest creepman who informs them about...beetles? Tom: Even worse, the Spruce Bark beetles are eating these trees to death and turning them from green to red. I remember when those beetle used to die out during the winter. NCtom:we can talk all day about my recent beatle collection for the next 10 hours if you want to. Rod: Dammit! We ran out of gas! BACK TO NC NC:well maybe if you dunderheads would have picked up the gas before YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS!!! NCvO:so they just sit there and do nothing for the next few MINUTES until the birds return and start attacking! birds start attacking them NC:Rod:The only thing i have for a weapon is a fishing pole!!! birds start leaving NCVO:Wait they're leaving? why why are they leaving? Were they just bored of the movie?! are they moving south for the winter EXPLAIN movie explain!!! movie ends BACK TO NC NC: And that was birdemic so Crow what do you think the lesson of this movie is? to a clip from MST3K Crow:don't watch it BACK TO NC NC:Yeah he's got a good point....CAUSE THIS IS THE WORST MOVIE EVER!!! back to footage NCVO:The acting is bland the characters are stupid THE FILMING IS BORING AND THE EFFECTS ARE JUST MOTHERFUCKING aWFUL!!!! Ito footage of The Room foodfight BATMAN AND ROBIN and Troll 2HAD REVIEWED SOME AWFUL SHIT IN MY DAY BUT THIS! THIS IS THE NUMBER 1 backstabbing laziest and regretfully THE WORST THING SINCE SLICED ONIONS ON A CARTOON NETWORK REBOOT! IT IS JUST SO FUCKING BAD to a picture of Birdemic 2AND THEIR IS NO WAY i'M REVIEWING BIRDEMIC 2 CAUSE THIS MOVIE IS SHYAMALAN MEETS MICHAEL BAY MEETS JOEL SCHUMACHER!!! back to NC is heard from across the hall from all the hate on this movie Malcolm and TamaravO:It's a miracle!! NC:i'm the Nostalgia Critic and by god i have witnissed the worst movie i have ever seen! critic starts to get up from his chair when all of a sudden he's hit by a blow dart Nc:to fall asleepDucktales... immediately passes out on the floor and asleep right next to the masked man who takes off his mask and revealed to be Jontron JonTron:Oh don't worry critic the funs just getting started! holds up a copy of The Little Panda Fighter and fades to black to end credits Channel Awesome Logo sound effect Fan Feed Category:Nostalgia Critic Category:Birdemic